Front Page Image

Trump Will Meet EJ Editor on Neutral Territory to “Settle Differences” May 15, 2016

May 16th, 2016 | By | Category: Features, Front Page

From the Senior Special Correspondent for International and Philosophical Affairs

The life of an EJ editor, it has been noted more than once, is not an easy one. The arrows of outrageous fortune come at him unceasingly from all sides, but the consummate professional that he is, he deals with the trials and tribulations visited upon him with equanimity.

And then he came up against Trump.

It all started with a couple of EJ articles that had analyzed Trump’s economic policies and found them wanting. Soon, the editor received a phone call from someone claiming to be Trump’s spokesman. The man said his name was John Stuart Mill. He noted that he was very close to Trump. He went on to trumpet Trump’s animal magnetism that drew women, regardless of their marital status, to him like flies. But, said Mill, Trump was a family man. He would never take advantage of the beautiful women who were throwing themselves at him. In fact, to let down them easy—for he respected and cherished women more than anyone else did–he would plead that he didn’t have time. Which was actually true: Trump was busy reading economic texts and learning economic theories, so that when the time came, he would be ready.

And now that time has come. All those years of learning and self-abnegation are about to pay off. As the GOP nominee for the presidency, he is thoroughly prepared to deal with the multitude of economic problems that beset the country. Mill said that nobody else possessed the insight or the acumen that Trump did—he, and only he, could cure the country’s economic ills.

But the EJ articles had cast doubt on Trump’s policies, even his grasp of fundamental principles of finance.

Trump was not happy. He had sent out tweets calling the EJ editor names. Li’l Man. Low-Energy. Crooked. Lyin’ Ed.

But now, said Mill, Trump was interested in unifying the party. Could he meet the EJ editor on neutral territory to discuss truce?

The editor said he was not prepared to endorse Trump. “That’s fine,” said John S. Mill. “Trump thinks you are a miserable failure.”

“Good,” said the editor. “Then we are under no illusions. Let’s say we will meet to settle our differences.”

A meeting has been arranged. Trump and the EJ editor will meet in Geneva. This is a fitting place for such a palaver. Geneva is known for its various peace talks. The Vietnam talks in the 1950s. The Iran nuclear deal in the last two years. And now, the Trump-EJ editor talks. The world waits with bated breath.

Note: The EJ editor questioned Mr. Mill on his association with the Trump cabal, noting that although Mr. Trump professes to be a conservative he was garnering advice from one of the most famous liberals of all time.  Mr. Mill responded, “Up is down; in is out; big is small, and red is the new black.  This is the method of our campaign.  What was once liberal is now considered conservative.  We secretly consider ourselves ‘paleo-liberals’.”

Leave Comment